Dealing with a breakup - Christ centred!!!!

Dealing with a broken relationship can be heart wrenching. You gave your all, you shared your life, you made memories and dreamed dreams together only for it to all fall apart. The feeling can't really be expressed but I hope these few lessons can help someone going through a very bad breakup. It's one of the hardest things for me to write but please be blessed.

1. IT'S OK TO CRY

Not saying you have to cry forever or too long.lol. Breakups hurt. It's not a divorce but I believe some breakups can feel like a divorce especially when you really gave it your ALL. It's nothing to be ashamed off or to hide. God created you to enjoy and thrive in love that lasts like Christ's lasting love for his bride. So feel free to feel and know that the pain you feel points to something beautiful about your God and his undying love for you. Hearts weren't built to be borrowed so the pain most times is God showing us why we should always base all we do on Him and Him alone. Cry it out, don’t hold it in.

2. DON'T REBOUND

The second most painful and most popular mistakes after a breakup is moving on to the next too soon.So don't do this. We must trust in God as we take healthy next steps. Affection can be an addiction and the easiest way to find what you have missed is to rebound right away but that will cause more pain in the long run. If we care about God, our ex and our future partner we will wait, pray and move on patiently and carefully. It's too easy to leave a trail of wounded people behind in our pursuit of emotional healing. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your future partner is to be still.

3. DON'T BLAME GOD

It can be easy to doubt, blame and question God especially when it seemed so perfect and " God ordained" initially. But never do that! The relationship may have been over because of character flaws or patterns of behavior that may disqualify us for marriage with a particular person but it does not nullify God's grace to and through you.
As we let each other into our hearts, our flaws are more likely to show up and cut the other person more deeply. Our mess is more likely to splash onto others, and theirs on us. But whoever had done the failing in your breakup, it wasn't God. Because of Christ, his promises never to leave or forsake you are true every moment. If you are trusting in God for the forgiveness of your sin and striving to follow him and his word, God has never abandoned you and he will never abandon you. You are important just as your ex also. His plans for you are bigger than your flaws, you just have to believe and receive. 

4. NEVER REGRET

There is a special shame and brokenness associated with breakups. Relationships and love may be celebrated more in the church than anywhere else because we (rightly) love marriage so much. Unfortunately, these same convictions often make breakups an uncomfortable conversation…at best embarrassing and at worst humiliating.

You feel like damaged goods, like you’ve been ruined in God’s eyes or in the eyes of others. The hard-to-believe, but beautiful truth is that broken-up you is a better you. If in your sorrow you turn to the Lord and repent of whatever sin you brought to this relationship, you are as precious to your heavenly Father as you have ever been, and he is using every inch of your heartache, failure, or regret to make you more of what he created you to be and to give you more of what he created you to enjoy — CHRIST.

When one prize is stripped away, we can graciously be reminded of how little we have apart from Christ and the fortune he’s purchased for us with his blood. He has become for us wisdom for the foolish, righteousness for sinners, sanctification for the broken, and redemption for the lost and afraid (1 Corinthians 1:30) — and affection and security and identity for the lonely man or woman reeling after the end of a relationship. So even in the aftermath of a breakup we have reason to boast, as long as our boast is in everything Christ is for us (1 Corinthians 1:31).

In Jesus, God is always and only doing good to you. There’s no circumstance facing you that he’s not engineering to give you deep and durable life and freedom and joy. He loves our lasting joy in him much more than he loves our temporary comfort today. He’ll make the trade any day, and we can be glad he does. Know that God is doing good, even when we feel worst.

5. FORGIVE YOUR EX

This is really important, for this is the beginning of freedom. For Christians, whether it sounds appealing or not, you will be together forever in heaven,he is your brother in Christ/ She is your sister in Christ.

While you will meet again and forever in heaven, you may not be able to be friends on earth. And that is not necessarily sinful. In fact, in many cases, the healthiest thing emotionally and spiritually will be to create some space and boundaries. Hearts that have been given away, at whatever level, need to heal and develop new expectations again.

Reconciliation does not require closeness. It does require forgiveness and brotherly love. You could start by praying for them, even when you can’t handle talking to them. Pray that their faith would increase, that God would bring believing brothers or sisters around them, that he would heal and restore their heart, that he would make them more like Jesus.

We need to learn to live today in our relationships, old and new, in light of our eternity together. Our patience, kindness, and forgiveness in breakups will shine beautifully next to the selfish, vindictive responses modeled in reality TV and adopted thoughtlessly by the rest of the world. So FORGIVE!!! Don’t say any bad thing about them but emphasize on the good and wish them well.

6. DEFINE  THE REASON FOR THE BREAKUP

Most of us Christians like to hide under the “ It’s not God’s will”. What about when you started? Was it God’s will then?

God very well may lead you to a breakup, but don’t use him as a scapegoat. Own your own sin and ask for forgiveness where it is needed. Then be honest about how you came to this decision, how he made this direction clear to you. Sure, some things will be intangible, but find the tangible factors. This is not a license to say harmful things, but helpful things, even if they may hurt initially.

First, it’s wise not to be alone in your opinion about the need to break up. Yes, your boyfriend or girlfriend may not agree, but you need to share and confirm your perspective with someone who loves Jesus and both of you. Go to someone you know can assess your heart in wanting to get out. If it can be a married man or woman, all the better. Talk to someone who knows what it takes to persevere in marriage, and see what they think about your “deal-breaker(s)” in the relationship.

Our imagination, especially in an emotional crisis, can be a lethal weapon that Satan leverages against us for evil. When we leave everything vague and spiritual, our ex will not, and the majority of what their mind creates will be lies from the devil to destroy them. Give them enough information about how God led you to this decision without crushing them or tearing them down.I say “enough” because there are lots of true-but-unhelpful things you could say. Again, run your talking points past a Christian brother or sister before taking them to your soon-to-be ex. In the end, they don’t have to agree with you, but it’s loving to help them toward the clarity and closure you’re feeling. It just may free them to grow and move forward sooner and with fewer questions.

7. GOD KNOWS YOUR NEEDS

You’re probably questioning this in the wake of your breakup, but God does know what you need, and he’s never too slow to provide it. He might reveal things to you about the things you thought you needed. Or he might simply show you how much more you need him than anything or anyone else.

God feeds the unemployed birds of the air (Matthew 6:26). God grows the flowers of the field and makes them beautiful, even though they’ll be cut, stomped, eaten, or frozen in a matter of days or weeks (Matthew 6:28–30). How much more will this Father care and provide for his blood-bought children?

When you ask for a husband, he won’t give you a monster. When you ask for a wife, he won’t give you a mental case. Even when it looks like he’s done you harm, he hasn’t. He loves you. He knows what’s best for you. And all things are at his disposal. All things. And if you continue to love him, ALL things will work together for your good.

One way God provides for us through breakups is by making it clear…by whatever means and for whatever reason…this relationship was not his plan for our marriage. The heart of Christian dating is looking for clarity more than intimacy. This probably won’t taste sweet in the moment, but if you treasure clarity, breakups won’t be all bad news. We all know some of the news we need most is hardest for a time, but fruitful down the road.

Trust him to provide for you each day (or year) whether you get married or not. If you do get married, know that he will bring the imperfect man or woman you need. Trust him like that.

8. LEARN FROM LOVE LOST

One of the devil’s greatest victories in a breakup is convincing a guy or girl, “It was all the other person’s fault, and I’ve already arrived as a future husband or wife.” The reality is no one… married or not….has fully arrived this side of glory. We are all flawed and filled with the Spirit, so we will all always be learning and growing as people and spouses…. present or future.

After the emotional tidal wave has crashed and passed, take some time alone and then with close friends to assess where God’s carrying you…who he’s making you to be…through this. Identify an area or areas where you want to strive to be more gracious or more discerning or more faithful…more like Jesus…moving forward.

You won’t have many relational crossroads more intense, personal, and specific as a breakup, so it truly is a unique time for some hopeful, healthy introspection, checked and balanced by some other believers. Praise God!!!

9. JESUS WILL HELP YOU FIND JOY IN THE SHADOWS OF HEARTBREAK

When we’re left alone and feeling abandoned by our one time best friend, it’s really hard to believe anyone knows what we’re going through. That may even be true of the good-intentioned people around you. It is not true of Jesus.

This Jesus came and was broken to give hope to the broken. “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory; and in his name the Gentiles will have hope” (Matthew 12:20–21).

The joy is not in knowing that Jesus had it hard, too. Not much comfort there. The joy is in knowing that the one who suffered in your place died and rose again to end suffering for his saints. God saved the world and defeated death through his suffering, and your suffering in the midst of your walk with Jesus…in this case, in a breakup….unites you to that victory, the greatest victory ever won. For those who hope in Jesus, all pain….unexpected diagnosis, unfair criticism, an unwanted break up…was given an expiration date and repurposed until then to unite us in love to our suffering Savior.

Jesus went before the broken-hearted to pave the way for joy in pain. We live, survive, and thrive by looking to him, “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2). His joy before the wrath of God against sin is our first and greatest reason to fight for joy — not just survival — after a breakup.

If you believe that, then make the most of this breakup, knowing God has chosen this particular path to grow and gratify you in ways that last. No relationship you have in this life will last forever, but the good things that happen through them in you — even through their sorrows, yes even through their collapses — will.

I love this song….Listen and be blessed. God bless you